Maybe Tomorrow
by SKBeliever
Summary: MerDer. Season4. Her plan wasn't as bulletproof as she thought it would be... But she'll deal with the repercussions just for him to see that she's not as dark and twisty as he made her out to be...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: ABC owns everything and everyone. **

**A/N: SO. I haven't been updating most of my fics. I decided to just post this after typing it up… So this is MerDer, surprise, surprise! **

-

"_I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you. I want to build us a house. I want to settle down and grow old with you. I want to die when I'm 110 years old, in your arms. I don't want 48 uninterrupted hours. I want a lifetime."_

_- _

He was going out on dates. The other night with Sydney and tonight with the scrub nurse named Rose, who according to Mark, Derek went through a lot of effort just to get her name. She, too, went through a lot of effort to find out more about who Rose was. Apparently, she's been in Seattle Grace for a long time now, a lot of times scrubbing in on Derek's surgeries. Probably to get close to him. Probably to see McDreamy in action. Or probably just to give Derek what he wants…

And she was afraid that maybe Rose would be the one to give him what he wants…

Marriage…

A house…

Settling down…

Growing old with…

Dying in her arms or whatever when he's 110…

A lifetime…

The things he wanted from _her_ and yet she couldn't give…

But there was something that she could give him now…

She looked down at the piece of paper she's been constantly folding and unfolding for the past few minutes. She has finally settled on just staring at the blood test results in her hands.

Thoughts have been running through her mind all day. Their S & M relationship wasn't as bullet-proof as she thought it would be. They certainly did something wrong along the way that placed them, more specifically her, in this situation. It isn't easy to make a decision as life-altering as this. Especially when this could be the one thing that could keep him to her. The one thing that could maybe make her look less dark and twisty.

"What's up with you?" Cristina plopped down beside her.

"This," she slid the piece of paper across the table towards her friend.

"Fuck," Cristina's eyes went a little wide and her brow hiked an inch as she read the words written on the small piece of paper.

"And that," she pointed towards the far end of the bar where Derek and Rose sat.

"Who's that?" Cristina eyed the woman with Derek.

"Rose."

"_Rose?_"

"Scrub nurse."

"Is she dying, too?"

"I don't think she needs to be dying to get the attention of anyone," she looked at the woman across Derek who was smiling while Derek did his McDreamy thing.

"Are they on a date?"

She shrugged. She heard from the other nurses that it was a date. They were all giggling when she passed by earlier that day and she swear she heard the words: Rose. Date. McDreamy. being mentioned.

"So are you going to tell him about this?" Cristina slid the paper back towards her.

"I don't know," she shrugged, taking the piece of paper and staring at it once again.

"You don't know? Do you want to keep it?"

"Did you know the moment you found out when you were, you know…"

"Yeah," Cristina nodded.

"So you really would have gone through with the procedure if you didn't…"

"Yeah," Cristina nodded once again.

"Seriously?"

Cristina paused, hesitated, and then shrugged. "Well, it's over and done now. Nothing else I can do about it. But you… You have got a lot of thinking to do."

She stared at her friend for a few seconds before letting out a sigh. There was a reason she was on the pill. There was a reason why she made sure a condom was present each time she slept with some one. There was a reason she made sure she didn't get pregnant by accident…

"Cristina?" she called her friend's attention.

"What?"

"I've always been pro-life," she murmured.

-


	2. Chapter 2

-

Life or whatever has suddenly decided to be good to her. And she was thankful. Thankful for not having the morning sickness or the nausea that most pregnant women had. For once, life actually gave her something to be happy and thankful about.

"Hey."

"Hey back," she spoke with a small forced smile as she finished writing down some notes on the chart.

"You left Joe's so soon last night, I wasn't able to say goodbye," he walked closer to her, handing the patient chart he was holding to the nurse behind the counter.

"Cristina dragged me home," she, too, handed the chart she was holding to the nurse and walked away. Derek trudged behind her, keeping up with her.

"It was just a friendly date," he suddenly said as they got to a more barren part of the halls.

"Friendly?" she didn't stop walking but she gave him a sideway glance.

"Yeah," he nodded. "You know… Friends going out and having some drinks. Friendly date."

"Oh," she gave out a curt nod. So it was just a friendly date…

"What do you mean 'Oh'?" he walked faster to match her strides.

"Oh," she repeated the word this time flatly. "What makes you think I care that you had a date?"

"You saw me, I know you did, I can feel the heat of your stares."

"I was not staring!" she said defensively.

"We were about to melt, Mer," he teasingly added.

"Well, why didn't you?" she muttered under her breathe.

"I missed you last night," he took a hold of her arm and stopped her from walking. "Maybe we should have a date, say, on-call room later?" he winked suggestively.

She raised her eyebrow at him. This was it. Their little arrangement. S & M. Sex and Mockery. She gave him herself and he dated. Actually went out on dates, finding that someone who could most probably give him everything she couldn't give him.

"I've got a lot of patients today," she lied.

"Really? I don't recall a lot of surgeries today," he told her.

"Some post-op notes and stuff, you know," she shrugged.

He gave her a brief doubtful look which made her nervous that he was going to find out she was actually wanting to avoid him. But after a few seconds, he finally spoke again. "I'll see you tonight then? Trailer?"

"If I get out of here," she nodded a little. She knew she was going to get out of here. She just didn't want to face him right now. She had a lot of thinking to do and being with him always boggling her thoughts.

He gave her a nod and a small smile. "I'll just see you tonight then."

"Bye," she murmured as she walked away.

With no patients in the surgical wing, the day ended soon for her. She made sure Derek was nowhere in sight before she finally left the resident locker room. She headed for the elevators and waited for it to finally open. Much to her surprise, Derek and Mark were the occupants of the elevator.

Her eyes went wide and she strode away from the elevator but not far enough as Derek stopped her.

"Meredith, is something wrong?" he suddenly asked out of nowhere. His grip on her arm tightened a little as he probed for an answer from her.

"What? What made you say that?" she asked a little too soon and a little to defensively.

"See? Something _is _wrong," he announced. "And you're avoiding me."

"Nothing is wrong!"

"Something is," he insisted. "Tell me."

"There's nothing to tell."

"Hey, Shep! You're chick nurse is probably waiting for you already, let's go!" Mark called out from the elevator doors.

"You're going to Joe's," she looked at him with disbelief.

"You said you weren't sure if you were going to get out of here early," he reminded her.

"And so you made plans!?"

"I was just going to get drinks with…"

"Let me go, Derek," she yanked on her arm and he let go in an instant. She stalked away as fast as she could knowing that he won't follow.

"Gosh, that Grey is feisty," Mark announced his observation.

"What the hell did you do that for!" Derek turned to his friend with a deathly glare.

"What?" Mark shrugged. "You looked like you needed saving."

"You know we're just going out for drinks! You and me! No chick nurse or whatever!" Derek shouted at Mark.

"Hey! Where are you going!?" Mark shouted after Derek as he walked away from the elevators.

"Fuck off, Mark," Derek called back as he headed for the stairways to see if he can catch up with Meredith.

-

"You have got to start learning to lock you house's door. I could have been a killer, you know."

"What are you doing here?" she sat up from the couch.

"Are you jealous?" he asked as he walked slowly towards the couch.

"What?" she raised her eyebrow at him in defense. If by jealous he meant she wanted to bitch slap the women he was with, then she was jealous. Extremely.

"That I went out with Sdyney and that I had a friendly date with Rose," he sat down on the other end of the couch.

"No," she shook her head, lying. Covering up what was going on in her head.

"No?" he cocked his head sideways with a smile.

"Just S & M, remember? You have all the right to go out on dates if you want. Date the whole hospital if you want, I don't care," she said nonchalantly.

"Then I can pencil in all those nurses lining up for a date with me?" he asked with a teasing eyes.

"Ass," she rolled her eyes.

"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong now?"

"Nothing is," she shook her head, looking away from him.

"Nothing?"

"It's nothing…"

"Nothing usually means something when it comes to you, Mer…"

"Stop analyzing me!" she snapped at him.

"I can't help it. I can't help not know you, Mer," he closed the gap between them and he placed his hand on her face, softly caressing her cheeks and gave her his small smile. "So, please, tell me, Mer. Tell me something."

She let out a small sigh.

"What if Rose is the one…" she finally mustered the courage to say it.

"What? The one what?" he asked, his brows furrowing.

"The one who gives you what you want… What if she's the one who comes along and…"

"But she isn't, Mer…" he cut her off.

"But what if the next date you go on is… Or the next one after that… What if… What if I never get ready and you find that someone?" she looked away from him. "And what if… What if I _am_ ready…"

"What?"

"What if I _am _ready… And yet you've found someone else already…"

"Meredith?" he called out her name making her look at him. "Are you?"

She looked at him. She was pregnant with his child. She was supposed to be ready for something she knew she can never get rid of. She was supposed to be ready. But she knew she wasn't. She needed to make sure she was not going to be let down again. That this was something that would go right in her life. She needed to make sure of it before she becomes ready.

"I-I…"

"You don't know," he gave out a small exasperated sigh. "You don't know. You _still_ don't know."

"No," she confirmed his suspicions.

His face fell.

"Will you ever get ready?" he asked with a sad tone.

"Derek," she took his hand. "I-I… We have something here. Just give me the time to get ready."

"I love you with everything that I am, Meredith. _Everything," _he gave her a sad smile. "If you need the time, you know you have it. I just want you to know that I love you, I'll give you the happily ever after, Mer. And if you get ready, I'll be here."

He placed a chaste kiss on her lips and he stood up and headed for the hall.

"What if someone does comes along?" she called out after him.

He turned around and looked at her for a handful of seconds before giving her a reassuring smile. "The marriage, the kids, the house? The things I told you about the last time? There's no one that can come along that could give me that, Meredith. Because the only thing I want from all of those is you. Just you, Mer, just you. I want the happily ever after with you."

-

**I really think Meredith's afraid of commitment because she's afraid of getting hurt again. So I want Derek to make her feel that she's never gonna get hurt again. She'll tell him about the baby once she's 'ready'. Soonish.**


	3. Chapter 3

-

"Dr. Yang!" Derek walked faster to keep up with Cristina. "Is Dr. Grey around?"

"She took the day off," Cristina replied without looking at him or even stopping to properly speak with him.

"Is something wrong?"

Cristina shrugged. "She said she had a headache."

"She took the day off because of a headache?" Derek prodded, finding the situation odd.

Cristina shrugged again. "Probably a bad one. Beats me."

"So she's just at home?" he asked.

"Probably," Cristina told him. "Or maybe she's at Joe's getting rid of the headache. Or somewhere else getting rid of the _cause_ of the headache…"

"Cause of the headache?" Derek asked in confusion. Derek stopped and let himself be left alone in the middle of the hallway, watching as Cristina walked away.

"Hey," someone suddenly greeted him after a few seconds.

"Hey," Derek put on a polite smile as he turned towards Rose who was standing right next to him.

"So I didn't see you at Joe's last night, Dr. Sloan was there."

"Umm, yeah," Derek nodded a little, looking at Cristina's retreating form, still distracted by what she told him. "I went over to a friend's house."

"Oh," Rose nodded a little. "Dr. Shepherd, are you okay?"

He nodded and looked back at her. "Rose," he called out her name.

"Yeah?" she gave him a small smile, somewhat anticipating.

"The other night… When we went for drinks…"

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd?"

"I know Mark told everyone I was _lookin'_ and so everyone started to look interested… And that I went out on a date with Sydney... But really she asked me out and I couldn't say no… And then…" he spoke without pausing.

"Dr. Shepherd, is there a point to this conversation?" she cut him off.

"I'm sorry, I'm rambling, I might have gotten it from…" he stopped himself from finishing the sentence as he took a deep breath and put on a polite smile. "The point is… I'm not _lookin'_. I never was."

"Oh," her face fell into a disappointed frown. "But Dr. Sloan said…"

"Yes, Mark just put out that message as a joke. To get back at me for something I did to him. It was a joke."

"A joke," she echoed what he said.

"Yes," he nodded slowly. "A joke. I apologize if it went out of hand. I'm really sorry if everyone thought I was _lookin'_. Oh, and I'd appreciate it if you, you know, pass the message around that it was just a joke."

She stared at him for the longest time before finally nodding. The frown on her face not leaving. "I'll do that, Dr. Shepherd."

"So, I'll see you," Derek gave her another polite smile.

He walked away from her, going down the hall towards his office. He still had a few hours before his next surgery. What Cristina said was bothering him for some unknown reason. He was going to go check up on Meredith. He _needed _to see if she was alright.

-

Derek rounded the corner towards Meredith's house intent on finding out what was wrong with her and how a headache could keep her from the hospital. He couldn't help but wonder some more when a few meters away from Meredith's driveway, he sees her car pull out.

He decided to follow her to wherever she was going. Maybe she was going to go to the hospital. But after a few minutes of trailing her, he knew she was not going to Seattle Grace nor was she headed to any way that could lead to Seattle Grace.

"Where are you going, Meri?" he spoke to his self as he carefully trailed her car to wherever she was headed.

After at least 15 minutes of driving, she finally made a turn and headed towards a familiar building. Mercy West. Derek's heart started to beat faster as his mind started to flow of thoughts of what she might be doing there.

Not having a parking spot close enough to where she parked, he had to find another one for his car. Much to his dismay, she was already gone by the time he walked to her car. He would just have to wait for her.

He waited for a least half an hour. It didn't help him with anything. It even gave him more time to think of what her reason was to go to Mercy West. Was she sick? Was her headache an effect of a disease? A brain tumor, perhaps? Was she going to transfer to Mercy West? Anything could be the reason.

"Derek!" her eyes went as wide as saucers when she saw him, leaning on her car's door. "What are you doing here!?"

"Meredith," he greeted her back.

"Did you follow me here?"

"Would it help me in anyway if I say no?" he asked.

"So you really did follow me?"

"I was going to check on you but you pulled out of the driveway so I followed you," he simply told her. He wanted to ask her what she did inside the hospital. He wanted to shake her senseless until she told him.

"And you waited for me here?"

"You can say that," he nodded a little.

"Y-you didn't go inside?" she stammered, a nervous look covering her face.

"I kinda lost you, I had to find a parking spot so I just figured I'll wait here," he told her.

"Oh," she nodded.

"So are you gonna tell me what you're doing here in Mercy West?" he asked calmly, surprising his self of having so much self control.

"Nothing, I was doing nothing," she answered too quickly.

"Too defensive," he muttered under his breath. "Meredith. C'mon."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "I was just visiting a friend."

"A friend?" he raised his eyebrow. "Meredith… You're not sick, are you?"

"What?" she shook her head defensively. "No!"

"You are," he frowned, controlling his breathing.

"What?"

"That's what you do. You deny everything. You deny it if it's true."

"I don't do that!"

"You do," he told her. "You're not gonna tell me what's wrong?"

"No!" she tried to open the door to her car but he stood strong not willing to let this go.

"Did you not hear what I said last night?" he asked.

"Last night?"

"The happily ever after I told you last night. We can't have that if you're…" he couldn't finish the sentence. He didn't want to finish the sentence.

"I'm NOT sick!" she hissed at him.

"Then what were you doing here?"

"I told you! Friend! Visiting!"

"Are you transferring to Mercy West?" he asked. He was going to ask every reason he thought of if he had to.

"What? No!" she rolled her eyes. "Now let me through. I still need to go somewhere."

This time he made way for her, stepping aside so she can open her car door.

"Meredith?"

She stopped midway to fully opening her car door. She sighed and she faced him once again. She waited for him to say something.

"Just give me this… I know you kept things from me, you keep things from me, you leave me in the dark and you tell your friends. Just… This once… Tell me what's wrong, Meredith."

"Derek…"

"Meredith, please," he would beg if he had to. He knew she was just trying to be ready. He knew that. But being ready had nothing to do with her telling him if something was wrong. Her being not ready didn't stop him from worrying about her.

"I-I…" she paused and took a deep breath. "I have a parasite."

"What? A parasite?" he couldn't help but be full of confusion. A parasite? There were thousands of parasites.

"Yes," she nodded slowly.

"A parasite?" he repeated, desperately clearing up if what he heard was right. "Like a tapeworm?"

"No," she shook her head, looking down, avoiding his eyes. An indication that something was wrong and that she was avoiding again. "It's not like a tapeworm."

"What then!" he didn't mean to shout but he couldn't help it. She wasn't being very clear and he hated not knowing. "What!"

"Derek, I'm pregnant!"

-

**Thanks for the reviews everyone! I really appreciate them. :D**


	4. Chapter 4

-

"I'm pregnant!"

He froze. Caught unaware of her announcement, of her revelation. His heart's beating started to race and started to be so loud he felt like he had to cover his ears to stop it from messing with his senses. He looked at her and he looked at him, both their eyes wide. He couldn't make himself move for some reason. And the next thing he knew, Meredith has already started her car and drove away.

"Meredith!" he finally got his senses back. He tried to run after her car but he stopped after a few steps knowing he can't do anything else. "Shit!"

He ran as fast as he could towards his car, fumbling for the keys inside his pocket and almost dropping them down in the process. It was probably four solid minutes before he got out of Mercy West's parking lot and by then Meredith's car was probably a mile away.

He pulled out his phone, managing to flip it open before his beeper started to beep. He growled in frustration, reading the page. 911. Only this kind of shit happens to him. He threw the beeper on the passenger seat and dialed Meredith's number.

-

She drove as fast as she could knowing she probably had a few minutes before Derek got his senses back and run after her. She was already in a safe distance in which she knew he wouldn't be able to follow when her phone suddenly started to ring.

She knew it was Derek. She didn't even have to look at the caller ID to know that it was him. She let out a sigh before deciding to answer the phone call. It was better than being face to face with him.

"Meredith! Where are you?" Derek's voice came from the other end.

"None of your business, Derek. Just leave me alone!"

"I'm going to go to the hospital, I got paged. But we need to talk later. Please, Meredith."

"No," she shook her head a little despite knowing he couldn't see her. "Whatever you need to say, say it now."

"Meredith!" he said her name in protest.

"Derek, say it now."

"Fine," he huffed. "You're pregnant?"

"Yes," she rolled her eyes. "I already told you that, didn't I?"

"I need you to say it again," he huffed in one breath.

"What?"

"Say it again!" he exclaimed.

"Fine! I'm pregnant, okay! Our sex and mockery thing wasn't as smart as I thought it would be."

"How did this happen?" his voice softened.

"God, Derek, you're a doctor, a freakin' brain surgeon! You know how it happens!"

"It's just that…" He paused for a very hefty period of time before he let out a small whisper. "Meredith, what does this mean?"

"It means I have a choice to make," she told him what he told her months ago. "It means if I make the choice it's either you'll hate me for the rest of your life or you'll thank me for the rest of your life. But whatever it is, Derek, I don't want you _in _my life anymore."

"What?" he asked in confusion.

"If I have this kid, I want you to be there for him. Just for him. Not for me, Derek."

And with that she shut her phone close and as she reached a stoplight, removed the battery all together.

-

He was distracted, it was evident. He reached the hospital, all the while trying to reach Meredith through her cell phone again. But she turned off her phone and he kept going straight to voicemail.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

Derek looked up from the sink and realized he's been scrubbing his hands far too long.

"The patient's ready for you," the nurse informed him.

"Thanks," he nodded.

Thoughts were still running through his mind as he worked on his patient. He knew it was unfair for his patient to have a doctor with a troubled and confused mind as he has. And he was thankful it was just a simple procedure, something he has done almost a hundred times in his career.

"I'm guessing you found out," Cristina, who was assisting him in the procedure, spoke in a hushed tone.

"You know?" Derek glanced at her momentarily.

"Of course I know, I'm her person," Cristina spoke as if it was a law of the world that everything Meredith Grey knows Cristina Yang also knows.

"I-Is she going to…" he couldn't finish the sentence. It hurt too much to event say it.

Cristina shrugged. "I don't know. She's the only one who knows that."

"Is she doing okay?"

"I've got her, you've got nothing to worry about," Cristina told him off.

"Yeah," Derek muttered. "Everyone's got her but me."

**-**

"What the fuck's wrong with you?" Mark entered Derek's small office room, half an hour later after his surgery.

"Nothing," Derek shook his head, not looking at Mark.

"You want to go to Joe's after work?" Mark sat down on the lone chair across Derek's desk.

Derek let out a small sigh and closed his eyes shut before shaking his head.

"Seriously, Shep, are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"I'm going to be a father," he spoke in almost a whisper.

"What!?" Mark's surprised voice made him open his eyes. If he were drinking, Derek's desk would be wet now.

"I'm finally getting something I've wanted, Mark. I want it but not like this…" he ran his hand through his hair, wanting to pull it out of frustration. He wasn't supposed to feel this way when he just found out he was finally getting something he's always dreamed of ever since. He was going to be a father. It was supposed to come with happiness, not this anguish he was feeling right now.

"Grey's?" Mark asked.

"Who else's?" he couldn't help but glare at his friend for thinking otherwise.

"I dunno," Mark shrugged. "You're having a kid with the woman you love. Then what's the problem? Why does it look like someone ran over your kitten?"

"She doesn't want us to be together. But she wants me to be there for the baby. And I _do_ want to be there for the baby. But what I want most is to be _with her_, Mark. I want her to know I'm there for her. Not just because of the baby. But because I love her. Because I want to be his knight in shining whatever. She's it for me, Mark. I-I want _her_. The baby… It's just an added bonus."

"You really are a sap," Mark looked at him with disgust but he didn't care. "Did you tell her that?"

"You know her, Mark, she doesn't want to hear these type of things. She's determined she's going to be dark and twisty all her life."

"Well, maybe the whole everyone's let her down thing's jaded her."

"She knows I won't let her down."

"No offense, man, but you chose Addison over her. Don't you remember that?" Mark pointed out. "I think you really have to show her what's it like to be not let down. Make her see that she's worth something. That she is something."

"She_ is _something. She's everything."

"Geez, stop with the sappiness, Shep. You're creeping me out," Mark grimaced. "Maybe you should lessen your drama and the sappy stuff. Be realistic. She's won't be growing up pretty soon, Shep. She still has a lot to learn about life. I told you, she's still an intern. Give her time to grow."

"Maybe having this kid would help her grow. Or it could make her even be darker and twister if she messes up our kid's life…" he pondered out loud. This could make or break Meredith. He just realized that now. Whatever happens, it would affect her. This could be something that'll further widen the gap that was between them.

"She'll be a good mother," Mark broke into his thoughts with the announcement.

"How do you know that?" he looked at his friend curiously.

"Remember a few weeks ago? That earless kid? She was great with him. Natural, if you ask me. She'll be alright…"

"That's different," he shook his head.

"It's a kid, Derek. Caring for one the way she cared for that boy's either present on someone or not. And it's present on her. She'll be alright. You've got nothing to worry about."

Derek nodded, going along with Mark's thoughts, hoping he was right.

"I'll be named godfather, right?"

"And have my kid end up with you if something happens to me or Meredith?" he raised his eyebrow at his friend. "No thanks, man. I'm thinking George."

"What? You're gonna choose that wimp over me to take care of your kid!?" Mark asked in mock disbelief.

"Better than having a _manwhore_ raise him," he countered back.

"Whatever," Mark stood up and headed for the door. He stopped before stepping out completely and turned back to Derek again. "Oh. I forgot one more thing, Shep."

"What?"

"Her friends… She's probably new to this _having friends that are always there _thing because she grew up in the mountains or something… But they're coddling her, she might think she's got a good backbone in her friends, but she needs to have her own backbone. Tell her that. And tell her that she's not like her mother, she's her own self. And tell her that you're nowhere near what his good-for-nothing father is. Make her see that!" Mark boomed and with one last grin at him, Mark left his office, leaving him alone once again.

Surprisingly, Mark was right.

Meredith is not her mother. Derek is not like her father.

He needed to make her see that.

-

**Okay... Mark is just a box full of wonders. :D**

** I really appreciate the feedback I've been getting. Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

-

"Dr. Shepherd, there's an emergency in the ambulance bay, Dr. Webber's requesting you," a nurse peeked inside the office and soon disappeared as soon she finished what she was saying.

Derek has probably sat in the dark in his office for almost half an hour after Mark left the room. He sighed as he finally stood up and walked towards the ambulance bay.

The wreckage was bad. Two ambulances hitting each other, the other one upside down in shambles. He saw the Chief standing a foot away from the upside down ambulance.

"Chief!"

"Derek," Richard turned to him. "Good, you're here."

"This is bad," Derek shook his head as he looked at the wreckage. "You need a neuro guy?"

"Yes, there might be a need," Richard nodded, looking back at the screen of the small monitor.

"CHIEF! What am I doing!?" a familiar voice came from inside the ambulance.

"Is that Meredith?" Derek turned around and his eyes narrowed at the familiar shoes that were sticking from under the ambulance. "When did she get here?"

"About half an hour ago or so, she got paged in," Richard spoke distractedly. "A little to the left, Grey!"

"What? Why? She's out sick!" Derek protested, as he walked over to the side of the ambulance. He could hear the gentle creaking of the crunched metals of the ambulance, making him angry at whoever's idea it was to let Meredith crawl under there.

"I GOT IT!" her voice came from inside once again.

Before Derek could even squat down, Meredith has already crawled back out from the ambulance. Her focus was on the Chief so she did not notice him standing at foot from her.

"You did a great job there, Grey," Richard gave her an approving nod. "You're bleeding."

Derek's eyes went down to the arm sleeve of her hospital suit, they were soaking with blood. Her blood. And Derek's eyes went red from the anger again of whoever it was that let her crawl under there.

"Let me take care of that, Chief," Derek intervened, stealing Meredith from Richard. She was surprised to see him especially with a scowl on his face. He took a good grip on her arm, making it known that he was disappointed.

"Derek," she called out his name in surprise. He didn't respond. He was afraid of lashing out at her in the middle of the hospital hall for everyone to see.

"What were you thinking going under there, Meredith?" he asked as soon as they reached an empty exam room.

"I was just…"

"That thing could have caved!"

"It wasn't going to cave!" she countered back.

"It could have!" he insisted.

Before she could respond, the door swung open, making them both look in the direction of the door.

"Oh, Dr. Shepherd," Rose stopped in her tracks.

"Did you need anything?" Derek asked a little harshly, angry at the intrusion.

"I was just going to get something," Rose pointed towards the table. "Maybe I'll just come back for it later."

"Umm, could you get me a suture kit from the supply closet?" Derek asked, mellowing his voice a little.

"Sure, Dr. Shepherd," Rose nodded, leaving the room.

Derek reverted his gaze back at Meredith who stilled had her eyes on the door. They both stood in silence until Rose appeared and handed Derek the suture kit.

"Do you want me to get an intern to suture Dr. Grey for you?"

"No," Derek shook his head. "I'll take care of it."

As soon as Rose left the room, Derek worked on Meredith's wound.

"Did any glass get in?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"No," Derek shook his head as he inspected the wound. "There's none in there. It's big though, probably 3 stitches."

She just nodded numbly.

"Aren't you lucky having the head of neurosurgery stitching you up," he joked a little to avoid the awkward silence they were both enveloped in. She didn't crack a smile nor say anything.

"I don't want us to be together because of the baby," she suddenly announced after a few seconds.

"What?" he looked at her momentarily before going back to his suturing.

"I don't want us to be together just because of the baby," she repeated.

He neither reply nor react to what she just said after that. He worked on her wound and after a few minutes later, he finished suturing it. "There you go, all done. Just let me get a bandage then we can talk about this, Mer."

"No," she shook her head, stepping away from him slowly.

"Stay still," he held her in place as he taped the bandage in place. Once again, he concentrated on his task and as he placed the last tape, he finally said what was in his mind. "I don't want us to be together because of the baby, too."

He felt her go tense and for some reason, that made him feel relieved. She was affected by it meaning she did care.

"I want us to be together because _we want_ to be together, Mer," he finally finished what he really intended to say. "Not because of the baby. Because of us. Because you're ready to be with me, Mer."

She let out a breath and she wrung her hands together, just like each time she struggled to say what she felt.

"You know there are still at least a 100 steps before I get ready, Derek. And you know that I probably won't give you marriage… Or the house… And I can't ensure you that you can live till you're 110… But this… I can give you this, Derek… Because I think I want it too… I-I…"

"Meredith, I'm not…" he paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I'm not asking you to think about it. I _don't_ want you to think. I want you to _know_ that you want it because if you don't then…"

"I want this, Derek, I want this," she cut him off. "But what I do not want is for me to commit myself into a relationship that could fail… That would most probably fail. I do not want my child to go through what I did. I do not want him or her to grow up in a perfect world and have it ripped from him in an instance. No one deserves that, Derek. No one."

"That's not gonna happen to him or her," Derek shook his head. "It's not."

"What if it does…"

He stepped closer and he knew she fought the urge to step back.

"You need to trust me, trust me in my promise that I'll take care of you. That, yes, there will be a lot of bumps in the road but we'll get through them, Mer, we'll get through them. Just trust me."

"I-I can't," she shook her head slowly as she finally took the step back from him. "A lot has happened between us… to me already, Derek. I know what it feels like to get hurt… I-I just can't and won't let it happen to my kid. "I want you to be there… For the baby… Just for him or her…"

"You want him to not grow up in a perfect happy family, Mer? You want that for your kid? To _our_ child? You'd rather have him grow up not knowing what a family is! You'd rather have him go back and forth between us?" he asked with disbelief. He understood why she was afraid, he knew why she was like this. But what he couldn't understand was why she can't trust herself and him enough to take the steps. "You're being selfish, Mer, you know it."

He grabbed her by the arms, not caring that she was wincing from the intensity of his grip.

"I want you, Meredith. _You._ I already told you a dozen times that I don't care about everything else. I just want you. I just want everything if they came with you," he shook her. "You really think I just want the house? The kid? I don't care anymore about those, Meredith! Cos' apparently you don't!"

"I CARE, DEREK! I care _that_ much that I don't even care if I'm being selfish! I don't care that he won't grow up with a perfect family just as long as he wouldn't go through what I did!" she spoke with an angry voice as she pushed him away.

"You don't have to be selfish. You just have to trust me. You have to trust me that I won't hurt you. That I'll give you that perfect family... That I'll get us the house… That I'll make sure I live to 110… I'll give you all that, Meredith. You just have to trust me."

She looked at him, fear in her eyes. Fear of the future. Fear of knowing that there is someone willing to give her the future she doesn't think she deserves.

"You see? This is what you do. Every time I tell you these things, you step away," he gave her a bittersweet smile. "But I'm not letting you this time, Mer, I'm going to take a step forward each time you take one step backward. I just want us to be us, Mer. Back then when you still loved me…"

"I still do, Derek," she whispered. "I still love you, I don't know where I thought I stopped or when you thought I stopped."

"Mer…" he reached for her but she didn't let him.

"Just give me time, Derek. That's all I'm asking."

-

**Boo-hoo.**


	6. Chapter 6

-

Going on walks on forests was something Mark and Derek did often when they were still the best of friends. They might not be the best of friends now but they're friends. And Mark was glad that Derek invited him for a hike. Mark didn't even care where Derek was taking him, the important thing was, they're going somewhere as friends.

"You think he'll have my eyes?" Derek suddenly asked, as they both trudged up the side of the hill.

"What?" Mark narrowed his eyes at his friend. "Who?"

"My eyes. Shepherd eyes." Derek replied.

"What?" Mark asked again, still not getting who Derek was talking about.

"My kid!"

"Oh, that," Mark nodded, being enlightened of the matter. "As long as he doesn't get your nose, he'll be alright, Shep."

"I have a perfectly good nose, Mark," Derek huffed.

"You keep saying that. I'm the plastic surgeon here, Shep. I know these stuff and I'm stating for the record that your nose is crooked and messed up."

"Leave my nose alone," Derek consciously touched his nose for a second as he glared at Mark.

Mark chuckled but soon frowned as he stepped on a puddle of mud. "Christ, Shep, can't you find anywhere else for us to hike? These shoes are brand new!"

"I told you to wear something appropriate," Derek smirked at him and at his now ruined shoes. "You knew we were going hiking. I even offered you one of my boots."

"You've got small feet, Shep," he shook his head. "Wouldn't want my toenails to curl up and die or something. Now where are you taking me anyway? Where are we?"

"What do you think of this?" Derek asked him as they reached the top of the hill they've been climbing for almost half an hour now.

"What am I looking at?"

"The view from my house," Derek proudly stated, stretching his hands out with a big silly grin on his face.

"You're building a house?"

"Yeah," Derek nodded.

"Seriously? A house, Shep? A house?" Mark couldn't help but raise his eyebrow and grow suspicion at his friend's sudden plan. "Is this because of the kid?"

"No," Derek shook his head with a sigh, turning around to look at the view from the cliff. "I already had the plan for months. Not everything's about the kid, Mark."

"Right," he doubtingly commented. "Cos' everything's _about_ Grey."

Derek didn't even need to respond to that. Mark knew that Derek was all about Meredith. Everything he planned, they were all with Meredith. His friend was whipped, much more than he was with Addison.

"So what's your plan?" he asked.

"My plan?" Derek asked, looking back at Mark.

"Getting Grey to take the step, how do you plan on doing that?"

"One step at a time."

"And the first one being?"

"I don't know, actually," Derek confessed.

"What about actually being friends first, Shep?" he suggested with a knowing raise of the eyebrow. "I don't think you two were ever really friends. Go take her out for a movie or something. Do whatever the hell friends do. Maybe then she'd trust you like she does those other residents."

"Genius, Mark, genius."

"You finally admit it, Shep, finally!" he let out a heartfelt chuckle.

"We've always known you were a genius, Mark. Just that I'm still smarter than you," Derek smirked at him.

-

Meredith hummed a soft tune as she tapped her highlighter on the book she was reading. She has already spent a good few minutes studying for a complicated surgery she was about to scrub into with Dr. Bailey in the basement hallway.

"Meredith?" a familiar voice came from the corner of the hall and in a few seconds, Derek appeared. He was wearing his blue scrubs, his hair still disheveled, probably from having just gone from a surgery. But he looked relaxed. Jolly even, as he greeted her.

"Umm, hey," she greeted him, putting down the highlighter on the book and closing it shut.

"Mark and I are going out for drinks later tonight, do you want to come?" he asked all of a sudden.

"Drinks?"

"Yeah, drinks," he nodded.

"I really can't _drink_ right now, Derek," she reminded him.

"Oh yeah," he smiled sheepishly. "The baby. Well Mark and I can get drinks and you can get water."

"Well _that's_ fair."

"You can bring Cristina if you want," Derek suggested. "And maybe you can have juice. We can all have juice."

Her brows furrowed in suspicion at him. "What are you doing?"

"Inviting you to go for drinks," he smiled at her charmingly. "As _friends_."

"Friends?"

"Friends, nothing more. One step at a time."

"One step at a time," she echoed.

"Yeah," he nodded. "One step at time. So… Later? Joe's?"

She felt her heart beat faster than usual as he stood there, waiting for her reply. She wasn't sure about all this. She wasn't prepared for him to offer her friendship at this time.

"It's alright if you don't want to, really," he spoke softly. "I'm not forcing you to decide on anything. But it's just drinks, Mer, or juice or whatever. As friends. And you can ask Mark, Mer, I can be a good friend. Probably not as hardcore as Cristina… Or as giggly as Izzie… But I think I can pass off as an Alex or a George…"

"Alex's a manwhore," she blurted out.

"George then…" he smiled.

"George?" she couldn't help but let out a giggle at the image of Derek as George.

"Only with better hair," he added, his smile growing with hers.

She then finally nodded slowly and with her smile still in place, she asked. "Juice at Joe's later, _George_?"

-

**One step at a time...**

**Kill the plant! Season Finale this Thursday, ugh, months of waiting again... Hmmm...**


	7. Chapter 7

-

Cristina Yang gave her friend a suspicious glare. They were over at Joe's having _juice_ with Derek and Mark. Which in the first place was already highly suspicious since she thought Meredith was avoiding Derek. But apparently, Derek was just her 'friend' now, not the baby's daddy or whatever. But what really made her suspicious was that she was giggling all too much for someone who apparently was only drinking juice.

"Are you high?" she finally asked.

"What?" Meredith stopped her giggling and shot Cristina a look.

"You've been giggling all night. Surely, you're high or something," she raised her eyebrow at her friend who was now frowning at the fact that was just told to her.

"You have been giggling, Grey," Mark commented from his spot across Cristina on the small table. "At every little thing that's been said. You even laughed when you saw the salt and pepper shakers."

"I have?" Meredith's frown became deeper. "I did?"

"Yep," Mark nodded.

"I think it's the juice," Cristina announced, eyeing the almost empty glasses in front of them.

"We're drinking the same ones, we're not giggling like crazy pregnant lady over here," Mark motioned towards Meredith.

"Or her hormones going all crazy," Cristina shrugged. "Pregnancy really makes people go loco."

Meredith started to giggle again. "Maybe it's the juice."

"See?" Cristina shot her friend a disgusted look. "Loco."

"It's the hormones," Mark announced. "Your kid will probably come out laughing or giggling, Grey. A stoned baby."

"That'll be a sight to see," Cristina smirked.

"Hey!" Derek finally cut into the conversation. "That's my kid you're talking about!"

"Actually, it's just Meredith's kid right now since you're just her 'friend' or whatever," Cristina reminded him.

"Fine," Derek just nodded. "That's Meredith's kid you're talking about!"

Meredith started to giggle loudly once again, making Cristina raise her eyebrow in suspicion once again. Maybe there really was something in the juice they just drank.

"What are you giggling about this time?" she eyed her friend once again.

"A stoned baby," Meredith replied in between her giggles.

"Oh god," Cristina couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Someone take here home now, I think she needs some sleep. I think she's intoxicated or something. Did you put something in her drink, McDreamy?"

"What?" Derek exclaimed. "Why would I do that?"

"Who knows what goes up in that head of yours," Cristina muttered. She looked at the two attendings in front of her. "Now who would like to take home crazy hormonal girl over here so I can get a real drink, eh?"

"Shep's the friend," Mark quipped as he stood up. "And I need a real drink too."

"Hey, I want to stay!" Meredith complained

"Time to go home and sleep out whatever's in you, Mer," Derek told her as he stood up and made her stand up too.

"But a baby's inside me!" she exclaimed. "I can't just sleep it out!"

"You've got her?" Cristina asked Derek.

Derek went still for a moment and finally nodded. "I've got her, Cristina, I've got her."

-

"Mer, you're home," Derek softly said as he looked at the sleeping woman beside him. She was snoring softly and he swore there was a little drool already forming at the side of her mouth. He reached over and ran his hands along her cheeks and sighed. As much as he wanted to be more than just the friend, he knew Meredith wasn't ready and he was willing to wait as long as she needed time.

He looked down at her still flat stomach and reached over to place his hand on top of it. He couldn't wait till he could feel the baby kick and he wished by that time he could already freely do this without the need for Meredith to be asleep.

He felt Meredith shift and he immediately removed his hand. She opened her eyes and let out a small yawn.

"Hey, you're home," Derek repeated.

"We're here?" she asked, looking out the window of his car. She turned to him and gave him a small smile. "Thanks, George."

"You don't need help to go inside?" he asked, silently wishing she would say yes.

"I can handle it," she smiled as she opened the door and stepped out of the car. She held the door open and held her smile. "Good night."

"Good night," Derek echoed back as he watched her close the door and walk up to her house. He didn't blink until she was finally inside her house and he let out a sigh. He just watched his whole life walk away from him and he couldn't do anything about it.

-

**R&R. :)  
**


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